Arriving late at The Drunken Clam, Peter explains to the guys a sad story about Chris recently having to break up with his first love. This prompts the others to recall their own first love experiences.
- Spoofing Cast Away, Quagmire envisions himself as a FedEx delivery guy who is engaged to Helen Hunt. Three days before their wedding, he crash lands on a deserted island after his plane is hit by lightning, and starts to go insane after being stranded for four years. Alongside his friend, a volleyball named after Rita Wilson, Quagmire braves another storm and even Somali pirates from Captain Phillips in order to arrive back home, only to discover that Helen has moved on and married Paul Reiser. A heartbroken Quagmire walks off into the rain, but gets over the breakup after discovering portable porn.
- Parodying Dirty Dancing, Joe recalls being a dance instructor at a camp, who catches the eye of Jennifer Schnozz; he ends up recruiting her as his new partner after Dancy McGee comes down with TMJ and has to undergo an illegal jaw surgery. Despite falling in love, Joe and Jennifer are barred form seeing each other by Dr. Hartman after he blames Joe for Dancy’s botched surgery. Nonetheless, Joe stands up to him and dances with Jennifer at the camp talent show, but not before she too has to get a jaw surgery after he gets her pregnant.
- Peter thinks back to 1989 where he falls in love with Meg Ryan after seeing her in When Harry Met Sally…. After seeing more of her movies, he bears witness to Ryan breaking the fourth wall and yanking him into the screen. Upon becoming friends, Peter follows her through many of her iconic movies and shows, taking up the roles of various male characters, before they profess their love during In the Cut. However, the whole story turns out to be a dream as Peter has just fallen asleep in the theater while masturbating.
Back in the present, Cleveland asks if he can tell his own first love story after being pressured to by Donna. When Peter won’t let him, the guys instead try to pretend he’s telling the story, but Donna does not buy it as she doesn’t see the flashback effects.